Following the Dudley earthquake earlier this year, when at least two cups of tea were spilled on elderly laps, most of us agree that Britain is becoming more extreme. Which is why the arrival of a press release from masters of extremity Extreme.com was such a big occasion at BM HQ.

Like us, you’ve probably often wondered how Darwinian evolution has allowed us to get this far without being able to view (or, quite possibly, “check out”) x-treem sports on a mobile phone with a screen two inches across. Fortunately the benevolent folks at Vodafone Live! have, with almost orgasmic delight, announced the mobile arrival of the Extreme Sports Channel. Or, according to them, “rich colour extreme sports content ideally suited to the mobile generation.” Nurse, the Kleenex!

Twice actual size, but no idea how much it’ll cost yet..

Vodafone Live! and extreme content providers Extreme.com will be streaming miniaturised snowboarding, skiing, surfing, BMX and skateboarding direct to your desk/gran’s house/toilet/train or anywhere else you might accidentally hit the redial button on your mobile. An elite corps of tiny extreme athletes may or may not have been recruited to help out.

Commenting on the move, various suit-wearing men said things that they probably wish the public would never hear, like “Together Extreme and MEC have provided some very compelling content for our launch of Vodafone live! that appeals to our target customer group.” And “The Extreme Sports Channels information, Ex brand and content is ideal for the young adult market being targeted” – remember, you’re not a person, you’re a target market.

If you’re a Vodafone customer, we’re pretty sure they’ll be in touch…