SCOTTISH LVRC TT CHAMPIONSHIPS 2000 LESMAHAGOW 17/6/2000
Right now the world is in a terrible state with terrorists, famine and the
LVRC. The eventers are getting fed up with the trying to out do each other
with super bike frames. Organiser George Skinner could hardly get get peace
to mop out the gents toilet when the veterans were rummaging over the wet
floor trying to avoid this 28mile horizontal course,by hiding in the
cubicles. Unfortunately the marshalls were as short as generous Scots on a
flag day. Several riders did in fact go the wrong way. Fullartons Bill Moore
escaped over the M74 perimeter fence to eventually find the orignal course.
Of course the eventual winner of group AB, Billy Matthews West of Scotland
Wheelers, went round the Douglas roundabout so many times that he had a
distinct resemblance to Zediddee. Robert Wilson, CRT Inverclyde had no where
to hide in this event taking a second place to the Highlander.Mike McPherson
winner of the CD category when away from cycling is an accomplished up hill
bob sleigher and bare knuckle fighter, alas he is as useless at both of
them. Kirkcaldy rider Bill Graham took the EF category winning place.Bill
has been capped for Kirkcaldy the same number of times as his aunt Jean
although hers is the dental kind.Group G winner was the wonderous Jim Reid.
If proof of mental attitude was ever needed this is the man. Never go to bed
angry he once said, always stay up and fight!
RESULT
Group AB BILLY MATTHEWS, WEST HIGHLAND WHEELERS 1-12-59
Group CD MIKE McPHERSON, VELO SPORTIV 1-14-30
Group EF BILL GRAHAM, KIRKCALDY&DISTRICT 1-24-41
Group G JIM REID, NIGHTINGALE CC 1-30-33

Reported without permission of the Scottish Home Office,or the Highland Free
Press I may have got it wrong in one or two places.
George Stewart

SLVRC 8 MILES BALLOCH TIME TRIAL 20/6/2000
Apart from an unannounced attack from the 232 midgie sqaudren this wee event
went well. Using three inflatable love dolls as direction indicators the
Strathclyde Police were not amused.(my case comes up in a fortnight) Pirelli
tyres once producers of the worlds most famous glamour calendar admitted a
massive blunder in choosing the event winner Tom Clark in the 1977
edition.”There’s only one Jimmy Reid!!” is a chant that may soon be a thing
of the past.For, according to the SCU there may be up to a thousand veteran
Jimmy Reids spread across the British Islesplus one in Fuertoventura if they
get planning permission.
RESULT
1 TOM CLARK, Johnstone Wheelers 17.25
2 JIM REID, Nightingale CC 20.06
3 BILL MOORE, Fullarton Wheelers 20.07

INFORMATION
Women married to Scottish Veteran cyclists are ten times more likely to turn
to drink ,drugs or prostitution. This is the amazing conclusion to a study
carried out by the SCU Research department at the Edinburgh Portacabin. He
stated that wives of struggling Scottish Cyclists are at higher risk than
English Cyclists. He also added that Scots cyclistsare more likely to
inflict mental cruelty on their partners by telling them that Wullie Gibb
did’nt win the Scottish Road Race championship at aged forty four and three
quarters when in fact he did.
EXCLUSIVE TO BIKEMAGIC.COM “THE SCANDAL OF THE SCOTTISH SCU 10 MILE
CHAMPIONSHIP”