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Pro cycling bloodbath

In a parallel that’s hard to avoid noticing, the UCI have requested full blood test samples from the US Postal team at the same time as Mapei’s Paolo Bettini has been bitten by a monkey.


While the UCI investigation comes as a result of pressure after alleged ‘suspicious movements’ of materials around the Postal team at last years ‘Tour, the monkey apparently attacked Bettini’s knee after being similarly alarmed by suspicious movements. The Italian Champion was among a group of riders feeding sweets to the monkey during a break from training in Malaysia for the Tour of Langkawi.


U.S.P.S team general manager Mark Gorski commented “We completely support an expedient and thorough analysis of any important information related to the ongoing investigation. We have no reason to hide any of the facts that might be uncovered through the analysis of these blood samples. Further, in the interest of fairness and objectivity, we have requested that an independent expert of our own choosing be appointed to assist in the analysis and to report on their findings to all parties.”


Unfortunately the monkey has been unavailable for comment, although her mother told fictional local reporters “I told her not to take sweets from strangers”.

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