Ah, the wonderful world of global marketing. Top bike trade website BikeBiz.co.uk reports that Lance Armstrong, Tour de France winner and America’s Sportsman Of The Year has signed an advertising deal with Coca-Cola.

Remember “Coke – it’s the real thing”? Well, that’s obviously far too long-winded for the stripped-down, minimalist 21st century. The new Coke ad campaign (sorry, “marketing platform”) is simply “Coca-Cola… Real”.

Yes, it does sound a bit like the “Budweiser… True” ads, doesn’t it? But don’t for a moment think that the people who come up with these radical new ideas are bereft of imagination. No, no. The, erm, “platform” apparently “reflects genuine, authentic moments in life and the natural role the brand plays in them”.

There’s more marketing guff from Chris Lowe, who we thought was half of the Pet Shop Boys but turns out to be Coca-Cola’s Chief Marketing Officer.

“Consumers today are telling us they want brands that are genuine, authentic and real,” he said, possibly standing motionlessly behind a keyboard, “And these are values they associate more strongly with Coca-Cola than any other brand. Authenticity, originality and ‘real’ refreshment are part of our heritage, and what the brand has always stood for. That’s why ‘real’ is such relevant, natural turf for Coca-Cola. This platform expresses those values in a contemporary way.”

Great stuff, isn’t it? And there’s more.

“The ads convey what consumers told us it means to ‘be real’ — being true to yourself, plugging in to life and connecting with others, with a natural optimism,” said Esther Lee, Chief Creative Officer, Coca-Cola North America.

“Creatively, the upbeat tone of the campaign reflects the heart, fun and desire that are core characteristics of Coca-Cola.”

And this is where Lance comes in. No-one can deny that he does a good line in upbeat, heart and desire. He’s one of a number of actors, sportspersonnel and assorted celebrities to feature in the new ads.

“It was important for us to involve celebrities who are genuine, who really connect with others and, most importantly, are comfortable with being themselves,” said Lee.

“The spots feature them in real situations, enjoying life and Coca-Cola in their own unique and personal way.”

Needless to say, the new Coke ads will shortly become inescapably ubiquitous. If you want to try and avoid them, leave the planet before January 13th.