Bad Ass Biking, oh err missus - Bike Magic

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Bad Ass Biking, oh err missus

Here’s a little something for you to think about next time you’re sitting in the pub post ride, making up lists of things that make a real mountain biker – naked riding.

Yeah, I know a certain cycling comic did a feature on it, but that was a couple of years ago. Not forgetting the fact that was in Mt. Tamplais not the UK. That means UK trails and UK weather and we all know what that entails don’t we? That’s right sheep shit and horse riders and rain and biting cold winds. So isn’t it a good job that ‘99 was such a stonkingly good summer. A long hot summer of dreams come true and promises kept. Anyway, enough of the philosophy back to the subject – streaking. I recommend every single speed convert to try this at least once. Naked riding is one of those things you have to try at least once; like cyclo-cross and road bikes. The important difference is that you’ll want to get your kit off again. Though you’re asking why single speeders? Simple they’re (I’m) are all mad enough to go out and Just Do It?.

How can I speak so authoritatively? Simple again. Firstly I’m a single speeder and secondly I’ve always liked getting me kit off. How else am I supposed to show off the piercings and tattoos. They’re not just for downhillers you know. More to the point I’ve just come in from a naked ride.

Okay so that last bit is a complete lie. I wasn’t completely naked; I kept my helmet on, fnar, fnar. Obviously you should never ride unprotected, unless you and your riding partner are in a steady relationship.

So, now down to the logistics of naked riding. I’ll start with the obvious one, where do you put your kit? Ladeez can skip this bit. Basically, don’t worry, everything just sort of falls into place. Strange but true. Once again I’m lying to you. Nothing falls cause naked riding makes you as horny as hell. Now do you need any other reason to go out there and do it?

Once again where do you put your kit? You can tune back in now ladeez. Well I’m going to make an assumption that you’ll ride when it’s warm, so you won’t have too much kit to begin with. If you ride with a Camelback or a bum bag then there’s your answer. Alternatively, if you are the kind of rider who goes out with a small seat pack and a prayer just strap everything to your bike with cable ties. Now go do it!

Wasn’t that good? Loose the chamois and life somehow becomes slacker. Congratulations you’re one step nearer to joining the mythical ‘Generation X’.


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