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**Competitions

Kona Fairy story winner!

After much laughter and shaking of heads we have an answer on the Kona Fairy story compo.
It’s the twisted Canadian tale of kings, skunks and bears from Alex Leigh who wins a Team Kona Ford Focus baseball hat and T shirt.

Thanks for the other stories – which you can read here – and we promise more of this schwag compo stuff soon. We’ll get round to remembering to let you know who won the Cannondale schwag compo too at some point.

Until then, are you sitting comfortably?

Once upon a time in a land of rivers, lakes, mountains and beavers,
lived a
very unhappy king. King Kikapu of the singletrack tribe sat is his cave
and
declared ‘I’m bored’. It had rained and rained and rained so much
that
his old mate Noah was last seen heading out into the Pacific shouting
‘anyone
seen a bloody Giraffe I’ve only got one and it’s shagging both of the
goats’. So the King decided to invite all his friends round for a game
of
cards. A frog, a skunk and a bear made up this socially deficient unit
sadly the king knew no princesses due to that nasty accident he’d had
during
puberty involving a beaver, a moose and an experiment with his
burgeoning
sexuality. That kind of thing gets around.
One of his friends, the big grizzly from the next valley was named,
unimaginatively, Bear. Even though the King outranked him, he didn’t
fancy
having his arms ripped off or getting stabbed with the bears fishing
stick,
so he let the bear choose the game. Now the bear wasn’t the smartest
animal
in the Kingdom, in fact it had been said that a moderately active tree fern would should him a clean pair of heals in an intellectual race. So he
chose snap. ‘Bear Deal’, he grizzled and handed out cards to the King, his
other
friends and a passing mouse, that being a bear of little brain, he
assumed
wanted to play.

The wind whistled inside the cave and the flames of the fire were bent
by
pace of the rain and the might of the storm. Cards were flung onto the
cave
floor as the game gathered pace. The king was losing badly and had only
a few
cards left when he roared ‘OK, who’s FARTED?’. Everyone looked at the
skunk.
The skunk looked back defiantly ‘why do I always get the blame?’ he
whinged.
‘Because, when there is a Stinky, nine times out of ten, it’s you who’s
dropped it’ replied the frog. ‘Can we get a move on’ he continued ‘I’m
due to
be kissed by a drop dead gorgeous princess later and I’m not missing
that I
can tell you’.

Just then, the wind howled even louder outside of the cave and with a
great
WHOOSH, in it came and blew out the fire. The bear removed a match from
the
wall and was about to strike it on his big hairy arse when the king
cried ‘Oi
BEAR No! That fart contained enough methane volume to be Explosif’. But
the
bear ignored him and struck the match!! DISASTER a stray spark fired up
the
arse-jet on the skunk and the ensuing Blast could be heard for miles
around.
The frog was caught right between the eyes and shot out of the cave
mouth in
a flat trajectory accelerating over the trees. His last words could just
be
heard ‘I was really looking forward to that sh..’ The king had dived
for
cover under the bear and suffered only singed eyebrows, stubble burns
and a
nasty gash in his forehead which left quite a scab.

The Skunk, well this
is a
fairy story so you REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SKUNK.
Trust me on this.
The king brushed himself down and examined the wall which had taken the
brunt
of the blast. On it was seared some kind of contraption, there was a
triangle
there and a circle here with some straight bits connecting them
together.
‘What’s this’, he thought ‘and what could it be used for?’ He turned and
surveyed his kingdom and saw the rain had been blown away by the storm,
the
sun was shining, and a small green amphibian had just crossed into North
America. He looked at the drawing. He looked at the hills and valleys.
He
shouted for his chief engineer ‘Build me one of these so I can roam my
kingdom, commune with my people and get away from this stupid bloody
bear. I’ll never be bored again’. <p.
And so he lived happily ever after.

Well at least he did after the
engineers
discovered wheels and welding and after the argument over whether to use steel or
aluminum was finally won by the bloke with the biggest mallet.

So children, the moral of this story is:
Don’t play snap with dumb bears, bored kings, smelly skunks and amorous
frogs. A piece of advice you should be able to use almost every day.

For more fairy tales click here.

 

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