All you’ve got to do is copy this letter into a Word document, delete the options [in brackets] that you don’t apply, and send it to the person you think is most likely to stump up for the bike kit of your dreams….

Read on kids, it’s going to be bumper harvest this year!

————————————————–

Dear [insert name of unsuspecting benefactor here],

I do hope you are not missing [Bertie the budgie / Scamp the terrier / Grandad / your leg] too much, and that your [Hyacinths / collection of home made jams / varicose veins / torrid affair with the milkman] are all going well.

Although it is obviously a time of joy, Christmas can be hectic enough without having to worry about presents for people. Though I love and deeply cherish the [socks / embroidered hankies / kitten calendars / paint stripping aftershave / inedible German Christmas biscuits] you have given me in memorable years now sadly passed, I thought you might like some suggestions to make this year’s present shopping easier.

[insert wish list rammed with bike goodies here]

[optional section for relatives with more money than sense] Please don’t worry about the prices as the EEC make all bike companies put prices in Euros not pounds. Even though the symbols look the same there are at least 156 Euro’s to every English pound.

If it makes things easier I can even do the shopping for you on the world wise interweb net TV shopping thing. It’s very good you know, it’s where I found that lovely Richard and Judy porcelain plate I got the last time I remembered your birthday. So if you’d just like to tell me your credit card number I’ll even get the presents wrapped for you.

Looking forward to seeing you on [Christmas Eve / Christmas Day / Boxing Day] and [eating your mince pies / your moustache kiss / uncle Ted’s explosive flatulence].

Your loving [son / daughter / niece / nephew / cousin / postman]