If you’re thinking of causing trouble at the Skjenkestuen pub, in Stavanger, western Norway then prepare yourself for a showdown with the world’s oldest bouncer. Marta Aurenes, 91, has been hired with two other regulars – a retired sea captain and a psychologist – after police said they had to have a certified bouncer on duty at the weekend. Luckily for Marta, the pub is a “terribly quiet place” although she is starting to exercise more to get in shape for any trouble.

If Marta isn’t enough to keep you in control another statement might well do “If a man gets a bit tipsy he is usually followed out by a couple of men without any fuss.” Hello sailor……..

Meanwhile over in West Bengal a careless cadaver cutter didn’t even manage to get on the bus before he forgot his homework. Police found 86 human skulls in a bag at a bus stop after reports of an unpleasant smell. “All the skulls were neatly sawn off and some had some brain tissues sticking to them,” commented the local superintendent who added they had no idea who the victims were, who had cut their heads off or why. No one’s been arrested yet but at least they got there before a dog ate it.

Or as they say in Darjeeling these days “I dunno, you wait all day for a severed skull in a bag, then 86 turn up at once….”